DMT Ponderings

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Raw Thoughts I write a lot of crap. I need to start cleaning up my blog. :/ Admittedly, I’ve kept myself ignorant of anyone else’s work on DMT. I wanted to remain completely ignorant of any knowledge in the domain of science, as it did not want it to contaminate my research. I am planning on reading the research on it after I’ve finished my book. I’m near completion.

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Observing The Universe Within

DMT Ponderings

Raw Thoughts

I write a lot of crap. I need to start cleaning up my blog. :/

Admittedly, I’ve kept myself ignorant of anyone else’s work on DMT. I wanted to remain completely ignorant of any knowledge in the domain of science, as it did not want it to contaminate my research. I am planning on reading the research on it after I’ve finished my book. I’m near completion.

The reason why I chose to do this, is because I have had divine and numinous experiences, numbering in the thousands, with and without psychedelics, and I have always noticed and observed one thing common in not only those experiences, but any experience, which is: How do I know that I’m having said experience? In knowing and in recognizing something, there is involved memory. Memory is the past. Something I already have, based on which I recognize something.

This is why I chose to keep myself ignorant of any DMT research. I have observed that knowledge generates experience, and furthermore, knowledge is how we are able to “recognize” experience, therefore any knowledge I have about DMT would simply self-generate the experience based on the knowledge I accumulate.

I was once given an object which seemed to be churning out massive amounts of stars and planets. It was as if a spinning mandalic universe generating universes from within itself. At that moment I had a thought. “I have just emerged out of a series of tunnels. Perhaps the world that I live in, is also a DMT object. What if these objects are dimensional gateways in themselves?”

So I jumped into the one nearest to me. At first, I was unable to do this. It wouldn’t work. But I was insistent. After about 100 breakthrouh, over the course of 100 days, back to back, I was finally able to travel inside the objects.

It is a space different from the tunnels. Different from the dome. In this space, and in every single space in every single object in which I jumped through the course of over 600+ journeys, it is familiar to me as if from my childhood with specific landmarks, yet alien in nature.

In this place, there is usually no one here. And when there is a rare DMT being present inside the objects, they are not concerned with me, or that I’m there. It’s as if none of them ever notice my existence. None of them talk to me. None of them gesture to me.

However, as soon as I emerge from the object, in the outside dome, the beings are telepathically speaking, giving me objects.

I have never had this experience on Ayahuasca. This only happens on high doses of Harmala, coupled with high dose of vaporized DMT.

I have never heard of anyone being able to travel inside the objects. You enter into one object, and you come out the object of another creature. You can keep doing this. You can continue to hop around from creature to creature, from object to object.

Over the course of another 80-100 breakthroughs, the being stopped speaking to me altogether. They stopped speaking languages which I could understand and assumed total silence.

I was baffled. I was hurt. I was crying. I was sad. I couldn’t understand why they would stop talking to me.

Then one day, I decided to ask them. I went back in and I demanded they tell me why they won’t speak to me. They poked me. I became agitated. I demanded again, speak to me, “what is this?”. Again, they poked me somewhere on my body.

For over 80 trips, I simply could not make sense of this. I could not understand why they stopped speaking. I went back, over and over, only to find them as silent as death. I would ask any question, and they would slowly approach me, and touch me somewhere on my body.

Toward the end of my tether, when I was almost distraught over this, deeply saddened and painfully hurt, weeping and sobbing at the pain I was caused by their silence, by their unwillingness to speak to me and my inability to understand what they were trying to do to me by poking my body, I finally asked the one question which has been on my mind for many years.

“Why am I here?” (not in the DMT space, but why “am I?”, why do I exist, why am I here in this place?) and they all approached me simultaneously, and they all placed their index finger on my lips.

That was the moment I understood what they had been trying to tell me.

The body is the ultimate cartograph of the soul.

We are like the octopi, we wear language on our bodies. Our bodies are language. We simply don’t see it because of the conditioning of thought, which is knowledge, given to us since birth by the culture and the society. What is required on my part is silence. Not physical silence, but a true silence of the mind, in which the true uniqueness and the phenomenology of the totality of individuality blossom in whole.

So, I learned that the answers to my questions lie in watching them. Not to ask questions and demand and answer greedily. But to ask a question and to learn what is means to quest. Questos, from Latin, to Quest, to approach, step by step, and not to demand an answer, not to greedily seek out the answer. Answers are satisfactory. They are easy bite-sized digestible. What matters most is how I approach the question. How I ponder it over. How I observe.

So I began to shut up, and stop asking and demanding of them answers and questions, and began to simply observe their antics, their shenanigans, their frolicking around.

Someone Said They Were Anti McKenna

I am neither anti, nor am I “for”. The world within torn apart by conflicting voices of the fragments of our perception; intellectual perception, emotional perception, and every other form of perception; Fragmentary perception of a fragmented existence. We are fragmented beings, in all space and all time.

I’m not here to advocate something or to not advocate something. I am not here to judge something or not judge something. I mean there is the fact of life. The VERY FACT of existence which we must observe together. So we are in need of a TERRIBLE honesty. A kind of honesty where the mind simply CANNOT deceive itself. We must speak freely as we observe freely without choice, and without prejudice of what others may think.

They say you remain your “say so”, so that you never accept others, but your own experience. Yet that is still accepting one’s own authority. What authority have I? My authority is that of the culture. My authority is the authority of society. I am conditioned to accept authority. when I reject the authority outwardly, I accept the accept the authority inwardly. When we reject the authority of the outer world, we accept the authority of the inner world. Our athority of the inner is a result of the society or the culture in which we’ve been brought up; we are conditioned by society from birth. We must reject authority itself, not an outer authority, not an inner authority of the self, but of authority itself. The feeling of dependence on authority.

What we are looking at is freedom from authority. Not any certain kind of authority, but authority. The very concept of it. As Dr. Terence McKenna said, “Authority is a lie. It’s an abomination. Authority will lead you into ruin. It’s not real.”

How Do I “Know” Anything? Especially in DMT?

I know and recognize everything by the virtue of “thought”. Even inside DMT, everything that I see, I recognize as I see it, I know it by the virtue of thought.

“DMT object.”

“DMT being.”

Anything inside the “DMT space.”

The objects, the beings, the space… I recognize all of this by virtue of thought.

Sir, what is thought? Is though not the response of memory? A reaction of memory? Memory being the past, which is knowledge I already contain.

So, the deeper question remains, is there something beyond the self? What is self?

Is self not a collection of “thoughts” given to me since childhood by which I project an entity separate from the body, experiencing itself as detached from the body.

The current problem, which I battling, Andrew Gallimore, is of the functioning of “thought” as “knowledge” about what happens inside the DMT space.

Even my VERY FIRST DMT trip, everything I saw in there, I recognized. I recognized colors. I recognized shaped. I recognized patterns. I could identify each individual thing.

So again, in the identification, in recognition is involved memory. My very first DMT experience, I realized and recognized things in there, which means, I must already have had this in me.

I hope I’ve been able to clarify the problem. This is a problem of extreme consequence.

The question I have always had is this: Does DMT bring me somewhere? Or… is something brought to me? Or… do I only ever see myself in an infinite alchemical reflections, visual ideations, and an profound mentations, recognizing every single fragment of the whole that is the “me”.

“I am” is the central fragment. Every other fragment is connected to this central fragment. Do I view on DMT the fragments of my totality, in totality?

Is there truly something beyond the self? Or, is it the self, the genetic memories, the morphic resonance resonating (ala Sheldrake) and resounding and reverberating, the memories of the body going even before this solar system (Panspermia)?

I think that a deep study of the very structure of the psyche, which is the total structure of me, is an absolute must in conjunction with the medical research being conducted.

In any recognition, even on DMT, the source is “thought”.

Sir, I wonder, even, and especially loaded on DMT, what is the source of “thought” itself?

I have never found any thoughts to reside anywhere within the body, and upon my research, I also do not find thought in the brain.

Every single cell in the body has its own memory, functions, and design by which is operates. When I look deeply inside this entire collection of cells, I do not find a center.

I don’t find any center of activity. I don’t find a central point of action. There is nothing. I can’t see thought. I can’t find thought. Thought simply doesn’t exist in the body.

However, I “experience” thought. I know it. I know it because thought itself tells me that I’m experiencing “thought”.

I have never been able to find or look at thought. I have only ever seen “meta-thought”, which is thoughts ABOUT thought. But I have never been able to find thought anywhere in the body.

DMT confirmed this. DMT beings confirmed this. Their language, their music, their musical instruments, their sexual nature, their eroticism, their rituals, their dances, and their entire mannerisms, all of this confirms that in recognition is involved memory, which is something I already have. So where is the “newness” in this DMT experience?

Right after my very first and most profound DMT experience, I questioned the nature of that experience. How do I know that I went somewhere? How do I know that anything came to me? How do I recognize it? Why am I able to recognize it?

This problem of recognition, memory and the past seems to tire me out sometimes, haha.

This is why I question the entire enterprise of the psychedelic mindset that there is something “beyond” me.

It seems to me, that I am all that there this. Everything that I could ever experience is within me, realized within me, and felt within me. So how could there be anything beyond me. I only ever realize the entire universe within me, the Universe is not beyond me, and neither are the DMT beings or anything else.

Perhaps in time, I’ll collect more data. Whether it helps, I do not know. I wonder if you could shed some light on this.

zZ