First Meditation on Psychedelic Philosophy: Observing the Violent Nature of Apes
Fear, uncertainty, doubt, sorrow, empathy, Felicity, elation, triumph, terror, violence and “thought” are all related with one with the other. We are heavily conditioned by violence, aren’t we? Most of us take a certain pleasure in violence. We take pride in disliking a thing or a person. We even hold it on the mantle of morality lest it falls. We hate particular individuals or groups. We dislike and/or hate races or nationalities. We have antagonistic feelings and emotions towards another.
But in the Psychedelic State of mind, a state of mind in which all violence has come to an end, there is a tremendous joy of existence different than the pleasure of violence with all its various intricacies, conflicts, hatreds and fears.
Is it possible for us to go to the root of violence? Can we approach this problem of the violence within and ultimately be free from it? If we are to say that violence is inherent in man than the conversation is over now. However, if we can understand and say that there is a modality of existence in which the true and supreme intellect of life blossoms in whole, that this blossoming of the highest intellectual order can only happen when we accept that there is the modality, then we can go beyond the violence and observe in its entirety. Otherwise, we shall everlastingly be caught in confusion and a constant battle with one another.
Do you want to live like this? Do you wish to continue an existence of violence? If you say to me, “Hash, violence is inherent to life.” then you have become violent with me, have you not? You have just now said this, and cut yourself off from me. Isn’t a cutting “violence”? If you say to me, “Hash, I’m sorry, violence in the world can never end.” then you and I have absolutely no means of communication, do we? You have just now severed yourself from me in a violent way. But if you say that there is a mode of existence unfathomed as of yet, a different way to live, then perhaps we can communicate with each other.
So, let us ponder over together, hand in hand, side by side, the ones who are interested in such communications, whether it is possible at all to end in entirety every single form of violence within ourselves and yet still live peacefully in a violent world full of brutality and turmoil. I think it is possible to accomplish this. For I have decided a long time ago to never be violent. I wish not to have an iota of violence in me. I do not want to have even a breath of hate within this body. I do not want jealousy, anxiety, fear, or brutality within myself. I want to be at peace. I want to be tranquil. I want to live life on this beautiful and marvelous blue orb in space, so full, so rich, so beautiful with the blossoming of life. I want to look at the sky, the birds in the ecstatic flight of freedom that is their birthright. I want to look at the tree, the flower, the soil, the water. I want to take in the beauty of the meadows and the hills, the mountains, and the valleys. I want to rejoice in the beautiful wisdom of the women and girls, men and boys, and while doing so, live completely at peace with myself and with the majestic world around me.
“How can I not be violent?” is the next logical question.
Do I know how to look at violence? I’ve been violent my entire life, have I not? I have yet to see the violence within me. I’ve not seen it for decades, and if I am to observe now, then how can I look at that agony, that violence that exists inside of me? I’ve not been able to identify it for years, so even if I start to look now, how will I be able to see it?
Do we know how to look at violence? Not merely the violence outwardly in the culture and the society; the wars, the battles, the riots in the streets, the nationalist agendas of universal antagonism, social and class conflicts, but the violence that exists within me. Perhaps, if I can clearly see with a totality of my perception the inherent violence, we may be able to go beyond it.
Isn’t this a very complicated problem, my dear sirs, and madams? A problem of immense complexity, this violence within. Has man not been violence for thousands of years? For centuries upon centuries, man has been living in violence and blind to his own violence. Though the philosophies of love, ideologies of peace, religions of tranquility, laws, and systems of control have been trying to tame the violence of the beast within, none of them have succeeded. Then if we are to dive into the question of violence, we must, it seems to be to be transparently obvious, be extremely serious about the problem of violence. We must be serious because the very serious inquiry into this problem of violence will take us into different dimensions, into transcendental domains, but if we are not serious, and if we merely wish to play word games with the problem for pure intellectual entertainment value or to showcase to another how brilliant we are, we shall not go far at all.
Do you feel yourself to be serious? Perhaps you do, but as long as so many other people in the world are not serious and are unwilling to do anything about this problem of violence, what could be the good in your doing anything at all? Isn’t that what one thinks next? But sir, my dear madam…
I don’t care whether another takes it seriously or not. I take it seriously. It is my personal responsibility to understand the violent nature of man. I take it with utmost seriousness, and that is enough. I am not the keeper of my brother or sister, father or mother. The price of wisdom is everything a man is, and man must shun mother, father, sister, brother and even wife when his genius calls upon him. I myself as a Being that is the Human feel incredibly strongly about this question of the violent nature of man and I will see to it that I am not violent.
But… I cannot in all truth tell you that “Dear sir, you must not be violent.” I cannot tell you or anyone else “Don’t be violent.’ It is void of all meaning, you see? Unless you yourself want this, no power in the whole of the Universe could convince you. So, as I have, if you want for yourself the understanding of violence then let us continue together, hand in hand, step by step. Together. Unfragmented. Undivided. Let us begin our journey into the very psychological structure of the “me”. Let us explore together the question of violence.
Where is the problem of violence? Is this great problem out there or in here? Is the problem of violence that of the society and the culture? Where is the violence? You want to solve the problem of violence, don’t you? Are you questioning the violence outwardly in the world, or are you to question the violence as it exists inside of you? If you are to be free from violence in yourself, the next logical question is, “How shall I live among violence, greed, envy, brutality, lust, and the everlasting folly of acquisitiveness? It is not evitable to ask this. And when you do ask such a question, it seems to me that you’re not free of violence. If you are at peace with yourself then you would have no problem. Perhaps you are incarcerated because you refuse to do one thing or another, perhaps you will be shot by another because you refused to fight him, but this is not the problem of violence. It is of utmost importance that we understand this.
We are trying to journey into violence and to understand the violence in man as a very real fact, and not as an idea of some romanticized illusion. This fact of violence exists in the being that is the human, and I am that human being. If I am to look at the violence, then I must begin by looking at the entire structure of the “me”. Doesn’t this require by definition that I must open myself to violence? To the inquiry of violence? I must make myself vulnerable in order to open myself to it. I must expose my most vulnerable parts to violence. By necessity, I must expose the most vulnerable parts of my psyche in a state of mind that demands to see this thing right to the end and not stop at any point. I must begin with a mind that says I must go further. I must diver deeper until I reach the ocean floor of my consciousness, and to navigate the undercurrents in order to chart the entire territory.
It becomes obvious to me that I am a violent human being. I have experienced violence in turmoil, in agony, in love, in hate, in anger, in jealousy. I have violence in enmity, in brutality, in my sexual demands of another of or myself. I have violence in every area of my everyday life. I have seen it. I have experienced it. I have known it, and I say unto myself, “I wish to understand the entire problem and not merely a fragment of it. A fragment expressed in war. Another fragment expressed in sexual violence. Another fragment expressed in anger. And another in hatred. And another fragment in jealousy… No, my dear sirs and madams. I wish to view violence in totality, with the entire constitution of my being, unfragmented with a truly religious and holy mind. Holy. Whole. Complete. Unbreakable. Indivisible. I wish to view it as the Indivisible Individual, the being that is the Human. I am a Being who is Human. I am not a Human in the process of “Being”. I already am. I want to view this violence as it exists in man and as it exists in animals, of which I am.
What is violence? Is it killing another? Is it hurting another? Is it harming another physically? Is it harming another psychologically? Violence is not merely killing another. Violence is not simply hurting another. Violence has many faces. Allow me to show them to you. It is violence when we use a heated word for another. It is violence when our tongue is sharp. It is violence when we make a rude gesture. It is violence when we obey fear. It is violence when we respect out of fear. It is violence when we are fearful. It is violence when we dislike one thing or another. It is violence when we harbor negativity in our hearts for any particular thing or an Individual. It is violence of the utmost nature when we divide ourselves from the wholeness of being.
Violence is so much more subtle. So much… deeper, ingrained in our very movement of ‘thought’. Violence is of utmost intricacy, into those depths today we inquire.
Are you interested in violence? Are you serious? If you are, then let us continue forth.
Are you an American? Are you British? French? Are you Christian? Muslim? Hindu? Buddhist? When you call yourself an Indian or American, or anything else, are you not being violent? Do you see why it is violent to be a thing which another is not? When you are one thing and another something else, you are separating and diving yourself from the rest of humanity, from the rest of your brethren. When you separate yourself by belief, by ideology, by nationality, by tradition or trade, you are being violent. You are the whole of mankind, the mind of all humanity, the consciousness of the entire species. And the whole cannot be divided without the violation of that whole. To divide the whole, you must cleave the whole in half. You must cut. You must slice. You must… violate the sanctity of the Wholeness of Being. To divide the whole in multiples, violence is required. Only through violence do we divide.
The Mighty Stoned Apes in the System of the Animal, he seeks to understand violence. And a man seeking to understand the nature of violence belongs to no country, no intellect, no belief, no dogma, no religion, no ideology, no philosophy and no belief. He does not belong to any political party or system, he does not belong to the polity of the cultures. He is concerned only with the understanding of violence, and thus, he is only ever interested in the understanding of humankind on the whole.
One says, “Violence is innate.” and another who says “violence is inherited from cultural conditioning.” and yet another who may utter any number of reasons for the violence in man. Should we concern ourselves with further division? Isn’t division violence? And if we take a violent approach to the question of violence, should we be able to see anything? Do you see the very “cunning” of thought? We are not concerned with which school of thought is right or wrong, it is of absolutely no importance. What is important, however, is the fact that must face the fact of our violence, and not simply the underlying reason. For the journey into the reason is violence itself, as we journey into one reason or another, only ever looking at fragments and never violence on the whole.
Is it obvious now how blind we are to the very fine subtleties of violence? One common expression of violence is anger, and look how quickly we are to justify this violence. When my family is attacked, when my friends are confronted with violence, I can say that I am angry and that I am rightful in my anger. This anger is born of righteousness and of virtue. When my country is attacked, I become righteously angry, do I not? When my opinions are attacked, do I also not become violent and angry? Do I not feel this violence to be justified? Does not ‘thought’ function as justification for my violence and for my “righteous” anger? When my principals, my way of life, my ideas and opinions, my beliefs and notions about the Universe, my pettiness is attacked… and I become angry, do I not? You know this to be true. If you tread upon my dreams or on my toes, when you insult me or reprimand me, I get angry. If you run away with my beautiful significant other, I become jealous and my jealousy is justified and righteous, is it not? The jealousy and the anger, the violence is justified because… she is my property, is she not? Isn’t that how I view my significant other, my friends, my family… as ‘mine’? Mine. Possessive. Only possessions are thought of as being able to be possessed. Property. Therefore I justify my anger, my violence with a form of morality. To kill for the family is justified. To kill for the country is justified. To be angry… is justified. One will say, “Oh, anger is Natural, Hash.” One justifies anger. Then when I speak of anger, which is a fragment of the violence in whole, notice that we look at anger in terms of our own conditioning and inclinations, our own drive and ambition, as righteous, unrighteous, justified and unjustified. Is there justified anger, or unjustified anger, or is there simply ‘anger’? It seems transparently obvious to me that anger is anger, never justified or unjustified, and that anger is violence, and how quick we are to justify our own violence.
The moment you become defensive of your identity, your family, your friends, your country, that tattered piece of colored rag you call a flag, your dogma, your idea, your philosophy, a belief, a thing of desire, any mentation of the ‘self’, then that very defense, that very protection is anger personified, and anger is violence. When you are protective and defensive of such things, do you not become violence itself in the flesh? There is no good or evil, just or unjust in nature, thus there is no positive influence or negative influence. There is the influence by which you are influenced, and thus, when it is a thing with which you do not find suit, you call it a bad influence, you call it unjust, and you label it evil, thus, protectiveness and defense is born, and in turn violence is personified in the flesh.
So, can we peek the nature of anger and violence without justification, without reason, without saying “Oh, how stupid of me to be angry.”, or “Oh, how right of me to be angry.”? Can we look at our violent nature as something that transcends the limitation of ‘thought’ constructs? Can you see the nature of violence without justifying it? Can you see it without condemning it? Is it possible to see a thing if my mind is full of images about that thing? Can I see something clearly is my vision is clouded by images?
Can I look at you if my natural state is in antagonism to yours? Can I see you if I am thinking what a magnificent person you are? It seems that I am unable to see you because if I condemn you or if I praise you, I have a prejudice for you. Prejudice, either good or bad is detrimental to vision. If I say I dislike you, I have a bad prejudice for you. If I say I like you, you’re a great person, then I have a good prejudice for you, don’t I? Prejudice is like a colored dark glass, through which I can’t see the Sun very clearly, can I? If I am to see clearly, I cannot have the dark glass clouding my vision, can I? So then I must look without images, without condemnation or praise. When I am angry and violent, is the anger, not me? Am I not the violence personified? Then I am this very phenomenon. So, can I look at this marvelous phenomenon, can I watch it without any reaction, any judgment, any praise, any justification or any condemnation?
It is not easy to see the anger in a dispassionate manner as the anger is me. I am passionate about myself, you see? It is that passion which breeds the defensiveness of my identity and the things I identify with. I am violence, so violence is trying to understand its own violent nature.
Here I am, a violent being, whether I am Hindu or Muslim, Indian or American, black or white, brown or yellow. I am violent you see. I am not concerned with how-to and wherefore of the violence, I am concerned whether it is possible to understand my violent nature and to go beyond it into realms of pure light from whence I emerged this side. To be free of violence is divine intellect of the highest order. To be free from it means the world to me. It is everything I strive for. The ending of the violence within is of more importance to me than food, than sex, than power or position, than breath itself, for it is the one thing corrupting the totality of my existence. I want to understand this thing which is destroying the world, destroying man from within, destroying the beauty of this planet, and I want to go beyond it. I am the anger and violence personified and thus I feel responsible for the destruction of the world.
These words are not merely pedestrian on the page, you see? I cannot do anything about the violence in the world if I have not gone beyond the violence within myself. I can do something about it only when I am beyond anger, beyond violence, beyond rage, beyond tribes and groups, beyond the division of nationalism, beyond the division thought produces within. I must understand the feeling of violence and division and in doing so, I have a tremendous force within me. The entirety of the force of life, the full vitality of existence shall spill forth in order to find out.
But… can I understand a thing if I am trying to control a thing? If I am trying to suppress a thing? Am I trying to conquer a thing? If I am trying to deny a thing? If I am trying to justify a thing? To go beyond the anger, the violence, I cannot suppress it. I cannot deny it, and I cannot reject it. I cannot justify it, neither can I say that it is righteous or unrighteous. I can’t say that anger is negative and I don’t want it. You see, I have to allow the anger.
I have to let the anger blossom as a would a beautiful flower. Anger is me, and I must blossom in whole to see my wholeness, right? I have to look at violence, I have to study it, and this means by definition that I must become intimate with my violence, and if I cannot become intimate with my own violence, if I condemn it, if I justify it, I cannot see it. Intimacy is to see. It is to see clearly with the entire perception of the being. A perception which cannot be further divided. The division is violence, and thus a perception that is void of violence itself, I must have the most intimate relationship with violence and anger, the likes of which mankind has never known. Therefore it becomes crystallized that we must stop our condemnation, our justification, our praise, and our judgment of anger.
So you are serious, aren’t you? Serious about the problem of violence? If you are serious, what is its magnitude? How much of yourself do you give to the eradication of violence? Isn’t it of importance that your sons do not go into the forces of violence and nationalism to get butchered by another? Is it not important to you that your family remains unharmed? If that’s not important to you, then what is important to you? Collection of experiences? Traveling? Acquiring shiny objects and trinkets? Possessing object and guarding your property? Having a party? Can you see now that it is you who is responsible for the death of your children, your family, your friends and your countrymen? Or is this a mere intellectual discussion for you? Do you see the reality of your own violence to which you are blind, or is this a simple abstraction to view in a silly conversation about the nature of violence?
Suppose it is not an abstraction to you, and that you do begin to see that it is your own violence that is destroying the world inwardly and outwardly, then perhaps you have become truly interested. Perhaps the level of your interested matches mine. Perhaps you too see it as the most important thing, which is to eradicate completely the violence within. Now, you can give your heart and soul, your entire mind to this problem and begin to discover for yourself how subtle violence is, how elusive it is and how it hides in the everyday things we simply don’t see.
How do we begin to see violence where we’ve never been able to identify? Doesn’t this mean we must begin to look with intent? How do we look? Then it becomes obvious that we must learn how to look. I am trying to understand my violence towards everything, so this means I must begin to look at everything. I must look at my mother, my father, my brother, my sister, my friends, my significant other, my children, my politician, my fellow countrymen. I have to look and find out why I am not being objective to them. I have to find out why I am judgmental of them in whatever way. If I am to understand my relationship to the world, I must learn from it, so that I can know it. You have to learn that you judge and condemn, justify and praise, and have prejudice as the total structure of the culture and society, and the whole culling of consciousness this brings about.
So, to learn violence, to understand it without the dulling of the mind brought about by the prejudicial structure of ‘thought’ which produces society within the mind, I must have the capability to venture deep. I must have fearlessness. I cannot fear for fear distorts and produces violence. To learn this, I must sharpen my mind with the intellect of self-gnosis, into the hard diamond as it is its nature. Notice that the dulling of the blade of my intellectual pen happens from judgment. You can only penetrate deeply into the problem if your mind is active with a fine point, sharpened by the intellect of the tremendous gnosis of the body. Only sharpness penetrates deeply, dullness does not. So to see the problem of violence, I must have a sharp mind, you see? Is your mind sharp? Or is your mind dulled by prejudice, condemnation, praise, justification and other illusions?
The central problem we are looking at is the problem of violence within. We have established the various subtle forms of violence as valid. So, is it possible to not accept violence as the way of life? Is it possible to reject violence? Is it possible to stand up and make a personal vow to understand the nature of violence in order to go beyond it? You must yourself be interested in this problem. I can’t convince you of this. Though, if you can understand this, it will bring about a radical mutation of the mind, a transformation that happens without the movement of time, and in one moment you will realize the totality of violence. This realization will bring out a shift in consciousness which is the very process by which you will produce a great change in the world.
I mentioned earlier that it is required to have an extremely sharp mind in order to penetrate the problem, so how does one sharpen the mind? How am I to sharpen my mind? Is it not attentiveness? It is not sharpness when I am fully attending to my own existence, unwavering? If I wish to understand the problem of violence, then I must give my entire attention to it, must I not? In order to attend, I cannot run, can I? I must be still and attend. So, when I am angry, do I suppress it? Do I say to myself to control it? Do I condemn my anger or justify it? Are not all those movements of thought an escape? Am I not running from my anger, which is myself? How can I see my anger and my violence if I am running from it?
To investigate the nature of your violence, you can pass no judgment, for as soon as the mind has conceptualized the opposite, it has condemned the thing, and condemnation is judgment, and one cannot understand what one has judged or condemned. When you say, “I hate that person.” that is the reality of the violence. When you say, “I must not hate. I must have love in my heart.” you are living in the delusions of your hypocritical world. The fact of existence is the fact of existence in the now. When there is anger within, it is real. It is to live in the moment with what the moment brings, and to observe the moment with one’s entire being, in totality, in entirety, in whole, undivided and unfragmented with a wholeness of being.
Can you see the subtle expressions on the face of violence clearly? Is it for me to show you the face of your violent nature? The … beauty … of violence not only outwardly but inwardly? If you can see clearly the total movement of violence, then you are free from it. You are living in absolute ecstatic freedom because you have not administered an ideology through which you wish to elaborate or extinguish it.
Do you now see how the observance of violence requires tremendous inward energy? How can you have this energy if you waste it on yoga, meditation, breathwork, ideology, philosophy, some spiritual guru, a holy man, or a psychologist? Do you now see, that the source of your inability to study your violence and be intimate with it is because of your illusions about it?
Yoga, meditation, breathwork, spirituality, and enlightenment are all forms of violence. They are absolutely violence inflicted upon the body in order to gain what you call peace sometime in the future. As long as you practice violence, and as long as you exist in violence, no amount of yoga, spirituality, enlightenment, search for transcendence or meditation will ever give you peace. You have read this in entirety, but do you understand? Do you truly comprehend the significance of this meditation?
Peace doesn’t come from a method, a formula, a technique, an idea, a system of thought, or a religion. The peace which is the Supreme Order of the mind comes from the true understanding of the Supreme Disorder within man, which is the violent nature of the apes of planet Earth. If there is something called peace, that peace comes solely from the understanding of the subtleties and the cunning of violence.