“Ne te quaesiveris extra”. “Do not seek of things outside of yourself.”
The West is lost. The East is lost. Everyone is lost and I have found myself. I’m neither free nor am I enslaved. I’m neither spiritual nor enlightened. I have only ever always been in my “Natural” state. The authentic and true state of the organism. There is nothing thought can produce that brings happiness. Happiness is a product of thought, and thought is ever divisive and nothing more than the confliction of existence. Thought produces the concept of happiness. Thought then chases after a projected happiness out there somewhere. The entire world that I live in, is only ever constructed by me. Happiness doesn’t exist. Neither does truth. No spirituality, no enlightenment. Nothing. The only reality is the organism. Me. I am real. I am the only thing that is real. My body. My sensations. My observations. My mind. My life. My “being” that is the “Human” which is my only true “God”. I searched for 30+ years, tormented in my mind, looking for freedom from culture and society. Tortured by the thought of not having freedom. The mind produced this. It created a concept of freedom and chased it for 30 years.
I am freedom. I haven’t the need to seek it anywhere else.
This word Happiness that you wish to use, that is projected by thought, is just a collection of sensations. The moment you become aware of this happiness, it vanishes. The moment that thought separates itself from this collection of sensations, which you call happiness, the demand for prolongation of this sensation and to keep it going longer than its natural span is born with it.
Any sensation, no matter however pleasurable, however extraordinary, however it may hold the pleasantries, is ultimately rejected by the Natural state of the Organism. The desire to prolong and continue this collection of sensations known as happiness is always rejected by the body which is your only true god.
To keep this sensation collection going longer than necessary, longer than the duration of its natural lifespan, destroys the sensitivity of the neural and sensory perceptions and cognitive sensitivity of the organism in its natural state.
If you become aware of happiness, it goes away. If you have no idea what happiness is, you will never be unhappy.
Totally sober. No drugs, no cannabis, no substances. To sit there as the natural organism and to realize the deepest psychedelic reality that I am the alien within the monkey. I am the terrifying mystery of life. I am the Mysterium Tremendum. I am also the fascinating mystery of the Universe. The Mysterium Fascinans. I am the “rational” and the “non-rational”. I am the “sacred” and the “profane”. I am in the East and I am in the West. I am above and I am below. I am this and I am that. I am all of this. I am the whole of the existence of the cosmos realized within this organism.
After 35 years of searching. The realization hit me with such force, you see. There is nothing out there. I have wasted my entire life searching. And the search ONLY EVER took me away from myself. Only.
I am the central fixed axis of the Universe. Without me, nothing exists. To have this obelisk of might. The ultimate standing stone. The meeting point between heaven and earth. 1100+ DMT journeys, 2000+ LSD journeys, pounds of mushrooms, tens of various different combined psychedelics over the course of my life, meditation, spirituality, seeking enlightenment, searching for freedom, for understanding, for liberation, for “Mukha”, for transcendence… made me realize that there is no romantic ideation out there. No spirit. No enlightenment. No truth. Nothing but the organism. Psychological revolution, evolution, change, transformation are all nonsense and will never do anything but create more conflict. It is only a purely biological transformation within the individual, that must happen instantly in the body, which simply gets rid of all this nonsense. Body rejects thought. The organism isn’t interested in thought. The organism detests thought.
The organism is never interested in living. The organism is only ever interested in life. Nothing else.